


i ran to you under the stars

by wheelers



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Angst, Aromantic Asexual Mike Hanlon, Basically It minus pennywise and heterosexuality, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Stanley Uris, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Modern AU, Pansexual Richie Tozier, some side stenbrough and benverly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-28 08:37:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13900338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheelers/pseuds/wheelers
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak never understood. When everyone around him began to fall in love, he didn’t understand how or why. It kept him up at night. Made him feel alienated. He watched and closely studied every single romantic comedy Netflix had to offer the curious boy but yet he found relatability in just about nothing he observed. Eddie so badly craved a feeling he knew nothing of. Sonia Kaspbrak had always warned him not to touch girls, giving him the same old rant about cooties and pregnancy and leaving his mama for some “worthless whore” since he was 12 years old. Except now he was 17. And he could sure as hell swear to god that he wouldn’t lay a finger on a girl. A boy, however, he couldn’t promise.





	1. one - what can i do for your attention starry eyes

“Hey, Eds!”

A gentle arm swung around his shoulder as he made his way down the hallway. Beverly Marsh’s upside face swept into his vision, planted a delicate kiss on his nose and hung there for a second, smile beaming and freckles glistening in the shitty fluorescent lighting of the school, waiting for a reaction from Eddie. Eddie’s lips barely just edged at the side. Beverly made an over-pronounced pout and finally stood upright again.

“Woah, what’s up with you?”

Eddie continued walking in silence for a few seconds before sighing onto the girl’s shoulder, his cheek sinking into her fiery curls.

“Nothing Bev, I just feel a little drained after Math.”

“So the boy isn’t on another planet! Thank god!”

Eddie tries to hide his laughter as he jokingly shoves her a little away from him.

“Mr Keaton, right? Oooo. He’s quite the strict one isn’t he?”

“Tell me about it.”

“Well my dear,”

Bev walks in front of Eddie and takes his hands into hers.

“No need to stress anymore cause tonight we’re going to a party!”

She spins Eddie round in a circle and winks at him when their eyes meet again.

Eddie can’t help but smile at her. When Bev was excited, he had to be too. Not that she was some controlling friend or anything but she was probably Eddie’s best friend and he never wanted to upset her.

Beverly, still walking backwards with no vision of the path behind her, collides with a boy who was pulling ‘The Great Book of Birds’ out of his locker. The keyrings on Bev’s backpack rattle off the metal of the lockers and cause her to stand in momentary shock. But she wasn’t embarrassed. Bev was a tough cookie with real confidence and she almost always handled situations with ease and laughter, something Eddie truly admired about her.

“Beverly! Maybe watch where you’re going!”

Beverly turned to face an annoyed Stan Uris.

“Sorry, Stanley.”

She rubbed the small dent she had left on his locker.

Stan rolled his eyes before shoving the book in his bag and slamming the door. He joined the two.

“Coming to Greta’s party tonight?”

“Greta? As in Greta Bowie? How the fuck did you get an invite to that?”

“You know, Greta’s nowhere near as evil as you make her out to be. Things are different now from middle school, Stanley. People change.”

“Oh and you would know this how?”

Eddie studied Bev’s subtle silence and suddenly pink cheeks and eye contact with the floor. Something he rarely saw in her. He knew she was hiding something. He thought he should change the subject for her sake.

“So are you going or not Stan?”

“Sure, who else-“

Beverly sprung to life once again, which caused Eddie to sigh in relief.

“Great! I’ll pick you all up at say..7? I’m guessing everyone will be at Bill’s?”

“Guessed correctly. Where else would our lame asses be on a Friday night than Big Bill Denbrough’s house? Some of us don’t get disappear with the popular kids you know.”

Despite Eddie feeling the same disapproval of Bev’s recent repeat of “Oh sorry I have somewhere to be that night. Raincheck?” whenever the group make plans, he still felt annoyed at his comment. Maybe where she was going off to was important or maybe that wasn’t the situation at all. Maybe something was wrong with Beverly. Eddie just wished he knew what.

“Jeez, Stan. It’s not like that at all I-“

Eddie sees the pain in Beverly’s eyes and knew to cut in once again.

“7 it is. See you guys then.”

Stan wasn’t a bitter person deep down, he loved his friends more than anything. Behind the sarcasm and facade of hating everyone’s guts would lie a soft, vulnerable boy. Eddie knew this all too well because Stan trusted him, maybe more than any of their other friends. Maybe Stan saw something in Eddie that drew them closer, something he thought both of them could relate to. That’s what it seemed like, but Eddie could never figure out what that thing was.

—————

It was just under 7pm. The whole group had gathered at Bill Denbrough’s house as per their usual Friday nights. Instead, they were going out this time. Eddie was definitely not one to go out. Bev, however, went out almost every weekend. She manages to persuade Eddie to join her at small house parties every once in a while and he wishes he could just refuse every time but telling his mom to fuck off seemed easier than saying no to Bev. The other times, Eddie had no idea where she went. Their whole group often wondered if Beverly led some secret double life. Friday night she’ll cozy up with the group of misfit friends and watch shitty movies, Saturday night she’ll go get wasted with random people. Nobody knew.

Eddie was pretty damn nervous to say the least. Tonight was Greta fucking Bowie’s party and the whole school was expected to cram into her three story, half a million dollar home. High school parties consisted of alcohol, noise, mess, vomit. All things Eddie feared and/or hated but he was slowly getting used to it with the more parties he got dragged to by Beverly. But parties were also the hotspot of hook ups. And the thought of it confused, intrigued, scared and excited Eddie all at once. He knew he probably wouldn’t ever be that person but secretly he wished he was. Wished he could feel something. Wished he could understand why everybody did it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a warm figure joining him on the Denbrough sofa. Mike Hanlon.

“What are you dreaming about, buddy?”

Mike was the “mother” of their group. Their protector. The sweetest person you could ever know.

Eddie sighed heavily.

“Just a bit nervous about this whole thing, you know? I mean...I’ve been to parties before but tonight is gonna be way different. And way busier. I’m just scared Bev isn’t gonna be by my side like she usually is at little house parties we go to.”

Mike pulled Eddie into a deep hug. Eddie melted into him as he gently felt his hair.

“I’ll always be there. I’ll stay close. Even if I go to talk to people you can always come get me. Unless I’m making out in a bathroom or something.”

Eddie laughed into Mike’s chest. Mike proudly flaunted and joked about his aromanticism a lot and it somewhat comforted Eddie to know he’s not the only love-less one. When Mike came out last year he explained to Eddie how he knew and what it felt like and though Eddie had no experience with love or attraction, he knew Mike’s identity didn’t quite fit him too. So Eddie was left still clueless after that.

“AH FUCK!”

Both Eddie and Mike shot up and ran to the kitchen. Ben Hanscom raced downstairs to meet them too. A puddle of vodka and blood trickled along the tiled floor. On the countertop sat an injured Bill and Stan holding a cloth to his cut hand. They were both caught in a gaze. A gaze that was different. Something nobody had ever seen from Stan; his eyes melted into Bill’s.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?” Ben burst into the kitchen causing Bill and Stan to jump.

“S-Stan...um..”

“I dropped a bottle and Bill tried to pick it up but he got cut by the glass,” Stan interrupted. There was a moment of awkward silence between all the boys.

“Well...do you have a first aid kit? I took a medical class last year and-“

“He’s fine, thanks Ben.” Stan flashed him a half smile before scuttling out the kitchen towards the bathroom, giving Eddie a “we need to talk” look as he passes by him.

A car honks from outside causing slight panic to surge in Eddie’s chest. While Ben and Mike were still in the kitchen tending to Bill’s hand and Stan was presumably hiding in the bathroom, Eddie stepped outside to greet Bev, knowing he’ll find reassurance about the party in her presence. She stood in jeans and cropped tshirt, her hair gleaming against the moon. Eddie thought she looked beautiful. She was leant against a car, one he had never seen before, smoking a cigarette. A voice is heard from inside the battered old car before she passes her cigarette through the window. When she turns back around her face lights up when she sees her best friend.

“Eddie!”

Eddie approaches her, happy to see her but slightly conscious about the figure in the car. When he hugged her she smelled of smoke and dark fruits. She pulled open the car door for him and shoved him in. The leathery car reeked of ash and foresty cologne. The figure in the driver’s seat stayed with his back to Eddie. He wore a large denim jacket and his scalp danced with twisting dark curls, chunky glasses resting on top. Eddie felt small and uncomfortable, his eyes desperately searching for a distraction. Until he looks up at the front view mirror and sees a pair of deep eyes staring at him. They don’t bother to look away when they meet Eddie’s. The tense moment is broken by the others squeezing themselves into the backseat with Eddie.

“This is pretty f-fucking illegal Beverly!”

“Says the 17 year old carrying vodka around with him. Now hush Bill and get on Stan’s lap.”

It may have been dark but Eddie noticed Stan’s cheeks flush as Bill plops himself onto his thighs. Stan turns to Eddie with a strange almost panicked look on his face.

Soon they were all piled in and headed to Greta Bowie’s house. The others made casual conversation and bickering in the backseat but for the entire drive Eddie felt uneasy. He felt watched. No matter if the boy in the front was driving he knew he was still staring at Eddie in the mirror. And he had no idea what it meant.

Eddie finally drew his head back up. He was right. Their eyes met through the glass.

“Aren’t you gonna introduce us to your boyfriend then, huh Bev?” Mike grins slyly.

The boy darts his preying eyes away to look at Bev. Bev does the same. Then, they both burst into laughter. The boy’s laugh was soft but raspy and it made Eddie’s heart flutter.

“Oh Mike, you’re too funny. He wishes I was his girlfriend!” Bev playfully slaps the boy’s arm causing him to smile out the window. “He just moved to Derry from LA. This is Richie.”

‘Richie’

The name echoed back in Eddie’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was just a lil introduction but things start to get dramatic soon ooo. for every chapter i'm going to be using a lyric in the title from a song which reminds me of the chapter cause it pleases my synesthesia lmao so this chapter's song is starry eyes by cigarettes after sex :)


	2. two - you were drunk in bed

 

 

As Ben opens the car door the buzz of excitement floods in. Music that could probably be heard from Australia radiates through the night. They file out both ways; Ben and Mike leave out the right door and Richie gets out to open the left one for Stan Bill and Eddie.

 

_He didn’t have to do that. Why did he open it for us? Unless he wants us to be next to him for some reason_.

 

Eddie is the last one out and Richie shuts the door behind him. Eddie feel a hand brush past his hip as Richie walks towards Bev to take her arm. Eddie’s side completely burns up.

 

_Was that accidental or.._

 

_No._

 

_It has to be._

Richie pulls a cigarette and a lighter from the pocket of his black torn up jeans. He places the cigarette on his bottom lip and bows down to Bev with the lighter held out.

 

“M’Lady. Care for a smoke?” Richie chokes out a light-hearted British accent.

 

“Oh shut the hell up and gimme that shit.” Bev laughs, snatching the lighter from his hand and the cigarrette from his lips. She lights it and takes a long drag before blowing the smoke into Richie’s face.

 

“Well I’ll be damned, Beverly Marsh. If I didn’t know you better I would think you were head over heels for me.”

 

_What does that mean?_

 

_How do they even know each other in the first place?_

 

Eddie finds he can’t take his eyes off Richie’s smirk. He couldn’t help but think that Richie and Bev were...perfect for each other. Their smart comments towards each other. Their personalities clicked. So why was it so funny for Mike to suggest they were together? But something about that thought made him sort of jealous.

 

“Eds! You gonna stare into space all night? Part of me taking you to a party includes you, you know, actually entering the premises.”

 

Eddie doesn’t look away from Richie. He watches as he turns to face him, a dopey smile still resting on his mouth. Richie’s eyebrow subtly raises at Eddie. Bev held her hand out in his direction, stealing Eddie’s attention and signalling for him to hurry the fuck up.

 

————

 

 

It didn’t take long before Beverly was drunk. A group of popular football players invited her to a chugging competition so naturally she did exactly that; and naturally she won. Eddie awkwardly perked himself up awkwardly against the wall in the kitchen, sipping bitter vodka, much to his disgust, and nodding hello to drunk passerbys while his best friend wobbled around challenging popular kids to drinking games.

 

Eddie fully expected Beverly to be the one to ditch him that night but instead Eddie decides to go find Mike.

 

He swerves past kissing seniors and people lined up for the bathroom until he comes to the huge living room. Just about everything in the Bowie household was wildly oversized but Eddie was convinced the living room alone was bigger than his entire house. Sitting across the room amongst a group of people on a long sofa was Mike. Just the sight of the back of his head was enough to send Eddie pushing through the crowd, aching for his support. But Eddie came to a halt as the curly haired Jewish boy slid in front of his path.

 

“Eddie. We need to talk.”

 

Eddie had completely forgot that he was expecting Stan to approach him at one point. After the “incident” in Bill’s kitchen and the look he gave him in the car, Eddie knew something was up with him. And Eddie was seemingly Stan’s only safe place; the only person he confided in. So he smiled softly at him and nodded and Stan pulled him away into a bedroom.

 

They were both glad to find it was unoccupied, free of teens “messing around”. Stan flicked the lock, turned his back to the door and slid down it with a sigh. Eddie sat on the bed in confusion.

 

Stan was unpredictable. He was not an emotional person in the slightest but he was prone to exploding during his imperfect moments. Eddie sat in fear, anticipating that explosion.

 

But it never came. Stan threw his head to his knees and sobbed. Eddie felt his heart drop. Stan had been open with him before but Eddie had never seen him cry and he was pretty positive he was the first. Eddie slid over and joined him against the wall, shakily placing his hand on Stan’s back.

 

“Have you ever liked someone so much,” Stan mumbled into his skin.

 

_Shit_

“But they don’t like you back? Can’t like you back? But they do things to make you think they do?”

 

Instead of making up a fake personal experience similar to Stan’s to make him feel better which Eddie considered doing every time his friends were going through things he had never resonated with, he rubbed Stan’s back and let him pour his heart out.

 

“It’s confusing. It fucks with your head.”

 

_Oh Stan. I wish I could help you._

 

“It’s obvious that you like him. He knows you like him. And he makes you think he likes you. But he doesn’t. It’s impossible.”

 

_He?_

“Stanley..”

 

Stan draws his head up to meet Eddie’s eyes.

 

“Are you gay?”

 

And just like that, Stan snaps back into character.

 

“No, I’m in love with a girl called He.”

 

Eddie lets out a small laugh and flops his head onto Stan’s shoulder.

 

“You really didn’t know?”

 

Eddie stops to think. To recount everything. And suddenly it’s all clear as day. How did he not know before? The way he looks at Bill. The way he reacts to Bill’s touch. For years it had been that way but Eddie never thought anything of it. Never even thought about homosexuality. Liking boys. His mind froze.

 

“I uh.. just never thought about it  _that_  way.”

 

In fact he had never thought about being gay at all. Until now.

 

“But I thought... I thought you liked Mike.”

 

_Mike?_

He froze. _  
_

“You have just always been so close to him. And I know Mike doesn’t have feelings for anyone but I always guessed you liked him. You always call him beautiful and you always hug him and you always run to him for affection and I know you’ve never liked a girl, Eddie. So I just assumed.”

 

Eddie turned away, burying himself in his own thoughts. He  _did_ think Mike was beautiful and he  _did_ find special comfort in his arms that was more than what he felt with anyone else.

 

_Holy shit. Have I liked Mike this whole time?_

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I shouldn’t assume these things I just-“

 

“No!” Eddie pounces back at Stan.

 

“I think... I think I’ve liked Mike all along.”

 

Eddie couldn’t believe the words spilling out of his mouth. After years of his life spent desperately trying to fall in love with a girl, he had been so blind to what was right in front of him. He never thought any other girl than Beverly was beautiful (probably because Beverly was his best friend and the only girl to talk to him) and then his mind skimmed over the faces of every boy he knew and they were all...

 

_Beautiful_

 

The only time Eddie had ever thought about same sex love was when his mother had returned home from church one night, a boiling mess. She was a strict Christian and had many things to say over dinner about a local fireman Daniel being the talk of the church attendees that day.

 

_“People are saying he’s married to a man! How disgusting! This is why I hate America and that imbecile Obama for allowing things like this happen.”_

_“Ma, it’s really not any of your business.”_

Eddie recounts her fury. How angry she was over someone else’s relationship that had nothing to do with her. And now he realises that could be him. He could be the topic of his Ma’s homophobic rage one day. The thought sent a cold shiver over Eddie’s body.

 

“Oh. So...you’re gay?”

 

Eddie slowly turned to Stan, teary-eyed before scrambling to his feet and running out the door.

 

————

 

He needed to calm down. Clear his mind. Though his face would only be a reminder of him and Stan’s conversation, he went straight to Mike. Eddie was an out of breath mess and on the brink of tears when he reached Mike. He flopped down onto the sofa beside him.

 

“Woah, Eddie! Are you alright? Where have you been? I sent Richie looking for you.”

 

_Richie?_

Eddie bolted upright and met face to face with Richie Tozier who was kneeling on the floor. This was the first time Eddie had seen his face in full. He was pale and kind of dead looking, the only colouration on his face stemmed from his golden freckles, purple underlids and heavy brown eyes. He was something more than beautiful. Richie made Eddie feel so fractious. Eddie eventually pulled himself away from his look to his lips, edged into a smug curve.

 

“So Eddie, you decide what you’re doing for your birthday yet?”

 

Mike and Eddie spiralled into a conversation about Eddie’s birthday and though Richie should be socialising with the others around him who are edging him to go for a smoke, he shrugs them away and still sits there. Legs crossed. Chin balanced on his boney hands. Eagerly listening to them; eagerly staring at Eddieonce again.

 

_Why does he keep doing that?_

Eddie finally looks over at him and Richie tries to cover up his actions, adverting his attention to the knot in the laces of his Vans. An obviously drunk Beverly stumbles down beside him and before they can say anything to each other, she throws her mouth towards his. He kisses back. He grabs her waist. She grabs his hair. It all lasts for about 20 seconds. Eddie watches it all, his jaw on the edge of a cliff, his face hot. Richie pulls away.

 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, Red.”

 

And with that, Richie gets up and leaves.

 

“Oh hey, Eddie! How are you doing?”

 

_What the fuck was that, Beverly?_

“I’m fine.”

 

“Good cause I’m gonna have to leave you again. A row of shots in the kitchen are calling my name.”

 

Eddie rolls his eyes as she stumbles away. A few moments pass before shouts are heard from the kitchen and Mike and Eddie go to examine.

 

“Bowers! You pussy! Won’t even take a fucking shot with me!” Beverly blurted out. Light laughter followed. Henry Bowers stopped in his tracks and darted his sharp eyes to Beverly. Eddie immediately sensed the danger and knew it wouldn’t end well so he stepped forward.

 

“Hey, Bev, maybe you should sit down and chill for a bit, you know-“

 

“What the fuck did you just call me, Marsh? I would watch your mouth if I were you if you don’t want everyone knowing your little secret.”

 

Beverly, though drunk, was still fully aware and intact with her emotions. Her cheeks burned red and the look on her face matched when Stan questioned her relationship with Greta earlier that day. Even if he didn’t know what Beverly’s “secret” was, Eddie still wanted to just pull her into a long hug, it killed him to see her look so hurt.

 

“Step down, Bowers. You wouldn’t dare,” Richie emerged from the crowd of spectators, chuckling.

 

“Unless you want to explain your little secret too.”

 

Richie seemed so casual yet so intimidating which sparked something in Eddie but fuelled a fire in Henry.

 

“New boy in town wants to get tough, does he? Thinks he’s part of a collective now. Have fun in the losers club, Tozier.”

 

Henry licks his lips, his signature douchebag move.

 

Beverly pushes herself off the countertop and slowly backs Henry towards the wall.

 

“Yeah and we’ll kick your ass, collectively.”

 

Eddie physically sprints towards Bev and pulls her away.

 

“Beverly, stop. Let’s just go-“

 

Then Eddie feels a grip on the back of his shirt and he’s pulled face to face with Henry.

 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t girly boy Kaspbrak. I promised you one day I would get your ass. And guess what? I keep my promises, faggot.”

 

Before Eddie can even flinch and prepare himself to be pelted by Henry, a fist interlocks with the mullet-headed boy’s jaw and Eddie drops to the marble floor, knocking him into blackness.

 

————

 

Eddie woke up in his bed to the sound of faint guitar instrumentals. His window was swung wide open, letting not only a draught, but the sweet strumming leak into his room too. He tried to sit up swiftly but his head vibrated and ached. He found his phone on his bedside table. It was 3am. Then he remembered the party. How did he get home? What even happened?

 

**_(1) New message from unknown number: Sorry you got involved. Hope you’re okay and fully conscious soon. - Richie_ **

****

_Richie. How did he get my number?_

He decided to call Bev.

 

“Hey, Eddie. How are you?”

 

Ben’s voice echoed through the phone.

 

“Ben? Where’s Bev?”

 

“She’s asleep beside me. Everyone is. We’re all at Bill’s. Well, minus Richie of course.”

 

“Wh-what happened?”

 

“You don’t remember anything? Jeez, how solid are Greta’s floors? Anyway, Bev and Richie were bickering with Henry Bowers and you stepped in but Richie saved you. He beat the shit out of Henry, it was awesome. But you fell and got knocked out. Then we all ran out before the cops came and Richie dropped us at Bill’s and insisted on getting you home safe so I’m guessing he did.”

 

Eddie’s heart swelled. Not only had Richie saved his best friend but he saved him too. Then made sure he got back. Eddie had no memory of it but he could just imagine Richie carrying him through the bedroom window and it was enough to bring a smile to his face.

 

“Thanks, Ben. Get some sleep please.”

 

“Sure thing, Eddie. Bye.”

 

Eddie sat up to rest his face along his window ledge. He let the late November air nip at his nose as his ears followed the music which came from an open window across the street.

 

_Flowers on the side of the road_

_A place to lay your head_

_You were drunk in bed_

_Every winter month, I fell in love_

And Eddie fell asleep once again to the voice from the little white house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we have eddie's gay realization and the first soft reddie moment of the fic! by the way richie isn't spider-man or anything, i imagined eddie's house to have a fire escape that richie could easily carry him up lmao. next chapter is quite long and busy but i really enjoyed writing it so i hope it's as enjoyable to read :)
> 
> chapter song: i think you're really beautiful by starry cat


	3. three - secrets i have held in my heart

 

The knocking of his mother on his bedroom door shook Eddie out of his sleep.

 

“Eddie-bear! I hear you snoring in there! Aren’t you supposed to be at Bill’s? Anyway, I need you to do something for me, sweetie!”

 

Eddie had fallen asleep practically hanging out of his window. He remembered the voice singing last night. He looked over at the house across from him and noticed that the window was shut and the light was off now.

 

_Shit._

_Whoever it was probably saw me during the night._

_Way to look creepy Eddie!_

 

“Yeah Ma, I’ll be down in a minute!”

 

Eddie traipsed over to the mirror. Where his head stung lay a small band aid. He peeled it back to reveal a deep cut across the top of his eyebrow. The blood had clearly been wiped away and the wound was sanitised, much to Eddie’s satisfaction. Ben didn’t tell him about someone mending him unless..

 

_Richie_

He thought back to the pile of what seemed like trash underneath the seat of Richie’s car that he had stared at as a distraction from Richie’s gaze. Richie must’ve had supplies under there to fix Eddie’s cut. He felt warm at the thought.

 

————

 

Eddie parked his bike outside Mr Keene’s. His mother had sent him to pick up his weekly medication which Eddie knew he didn’t need but he still felt pressured to collect them and take them and repeat every week. Beverly says he should stand up for himself which in her language meant “tell Sonia to suck it” but Eddie would rather fall off the edge of the Earth than go against his mother’s demands. As he approaches the pharmacy counter he spies an unamused Greta Bowie, flicking through a magazine. Eddie debates on turning back and leaving, afraid of confronting Greta after he contributed to the mess that left her party police-ridden. Greta throws her magazine in the trash and grunts but when she spots Eddie she gets up from her chair. Eddie expects the worst. Instead Greta shows a sort of worried expression.

 

“Did Beverly get home okay?”

 

“Uhh yeah. I haven’t spoke to her but I was told she’s okay.”

 

Greta sighed a  _oh thank god_ and grabbed a lollipop from the tin of them on the counter.

 

“I think it was really cool for you to stick up for her like that.”

 

Eddie, for the first time ever, smiled at Greta Bowie. In middle school Greta was rather bratty. She picked on Eddie and his friends and even gave them their long retired branding of ‘the losers club’. Beverly was right about her being different now.

 

“So how did your parents react?”

 

“Meh. They don’t mind too much. Just not allowed to have parties for a while. At least the police weren’t called because of me.”

 

Eddie felt guilty. They took off after the mess unfolded and left Greta and everyone else to deal with the police.

 

“About that.. I’m sorry for, you know, what happened.”

 

“It’s whatever. So, you here for these?”

 

She digs her hand under the counter and slides Eddie his refills. Just as Eddie puts them into his bag, a stern voice bursts through the door causing them both to divert their attentions.

 

“Maggie, I’m not doing this!”

 

A fragile looking woman in high heels and full makeup waits outside while her husband storms through the door.

 

“Any adults run this joint?”

 

Greta draws him a look. The Greta look. One of disgust and  _are you kidding me right now?_

 

“Dad! Come deal with this!”

 

Mr Keene slides through the door with his usual smile on his face but when he is greeted with an angry looking business man his expression drops.

 

“You keep tabs on your customers, right? Has my son been getting anti-depressants from here?”

 

Eddie slid away from the counter and mouthed a thank you to Greta before getting on his bike and pedalling away.

 

On his way home Eddie stopped at the new music store which had opened up just a few weeks ago. It was Eddie’s birthday next week and Beverly begged him to let her buy him a present so he thought he might as well look for a vinyl or something that she could get him. Beverly always had a strong passion for vintage things, so much so that she bought Eddie his own record player. But the only vinyls he had to play were some old ones from the 80’s that used to belong to his father which he found in a box in the garage. And they were kinda depressing to listen to. So a vinyl seemed like an inexpensive and practical gift for her to get him. Eddie skimmed through the racks of vinyls with fail. Though he was sure Beverly would adore the large variety of retro music, nothing was of Eddie’s taste. He felt a shadow creep up behind him. A familiar voice whispered into his neck.

 

“Need some help,  _Sir?”_

 

Before Eddie could move, a voice from afar cut in.

 

“Richie, get over here! I need you to sort the playlist for the tannoy, can you connect your phone to it?”

 

The shadow faded away and Eddie turned to watch him walk to the back of the store. Richie wore a tight white shirt which let his pasty skinny arms dangle free. Eddie thought it was adorable. But he paid close attention to the bandages around his forearm. His phone buzzed against his leg in his pocket.

 

**_(1) New message from unknown number: You seem better kiddo._ **

****

Richie had now disappeared behind a door, presumably to connect his phone like his boss had ordered.

 

**_Eddie: Thank you for everything Richie_ **

**_Unknown number: No worries_ **

**_Unknown number: Listen I want to make it up to you since I ruined your night. Party this Friday. I’ll pick you up. Bring your friends too. Promise I won’t fuck it up._ **

****

Eddie so badly wanted to spill his heart and tell Richie that it wasn’t his fault and that he saved him and that he was so goddamn thankful. But he didn’t.  ** _  
_**

****

**_Eddie: See you then._ **

****

————

 

Eddie didn’t tell the others about the party until Friday at lunch. Bill was discussing the movie of choice for their usual Friday night hangout.

 

“What ab-bout Frozen? Georgie said it was g-good.”

 

“Georgie’s ten, Bill.”

 

“Not everyone watches the discovery channel like you, Stan, you little perv.” Beverly smirked down into her yogurt.

 

“It’s actually pretty fucking intellectual Beverly, don’t make it weird.”

 

“It was weird even before she implied you watch animal p-p-porn.” Bill cut in.

 

“God! I’m trying to eat here.” Mike huffed jokingly.

 

“Actually guys, I have other plans for us.”

 

All heads turned to Eddie.

 

“Eddie? Making plans? He’s definitely been cloned.” Ben laughs.

 

“I know you’ll all be hesitant cause of last week but we’ve been invited to another party tonight. By Richie.”

 

Silence lingered amongst the table. Bev broke it.

 

“You spoke to Richie?”

 

“Sorta. We ran into each other and he basically wanted to make it up to me for ruining the night.”

 

She raised her eyebrows and smirked once again. Eddie wondered why.

 

————

 

Though it took some persuading at lunch to get all of his friends on board with the whole party thing, everyone was at his door for 6:45. Sonia had passed out watching a sitcom as expected and wouldn’t rise again til late the next morning; her usual routine. They waited in Eddie’s bedroom.

 

“He’ll be here soon.” Bev assured them.

 

Eddie assumed Bev was already planning to go to this party before Richie had invited their whole group cause she seemed to know the details of it and when exactly Richie would come get them.

 

“Beverly, can I talk to you?”

 

She sprung off Eddie’s bed to join him in the corner of the room.

 

“How did you and Richie even meet?”

 

A blaring horn came from outside.

 

Bev used it as an excuse to avoid the question. She patted Eddie’s head before grabbing her coat and heading for the door.

 

This was when panic should’ve set into Eddie. But instead he felt at ease. Excited. Cause he had been invited to a party by someone that wasn’t Beverly. He had been invited to a party by Richie Tozier.

 

————

 

Eddie wasn’t sure where exactly they were. He had never been into this area of Derry before. To get there they drove down winding roads and through forests he never knew existed. They found themselves in the living room of a small cosy home. It was nice but nothing comparable to the mansion that was the Bowie’s. It wasn’t as loud or obnoxious or hectic either. Or so Eddie had thought.

 

Upon their arrival, Richie was greeted by some clearly familiar faces to him who quickly swarmed him away into the crowd. Beverly’s hound nose for alcohol led her to the kitchen and soon she was passing out drinks to everyone. A small group formed on the living room floor and Eddie and his friends were dragged over to join.

 

Across the circle sat Richie. His knees were brought close to his chest. A brown leather jacket covered his slender figure. A pale turtleneck matched his washed out tone. Light ripped jeans. Heavy black boots. His curls looked extra dishevelled and they intertwined with a pair of clunky glasses balanced on his scalp. A cigarette rested in his mouth and a bottle gripped in his boney hand. It made Eddie all flustered. He looked kind of  _hot._

 

His tipsy red-haired best friend stumbled upon the group, chugging down a beer and placing the empty bottle in the middle of the floor.

 

“Spin the bottle!” She threw her hands up in the air before collapsing down next to Richie. Greta Bowie pranced into the room and observed from the couch.

 

Richie leaned forward, smug as ever, and whirled the bottle round.

 

_Holy hell._

 

It spun for what felt like forever to Eddie. He could feel Richie’s eyes on him the entire time.

 

It stopped on a tall blonde boy who sat directly beside Eddie.

 

“Oooh! Andrew!”

 

“Go on then!”

 

“Aw, Andrew!”

 

Andrew’s face turned sour and he refused to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

 

“Doesn’t count.”

 

Richie’s nose screwed up. He spat his cigarette out to speak.

 

“Why not?”

 

Richie passed his drink to Bev and began crawling along the carpet and roaring at Andrew. When he was just about two feet away from his face, Richie reached out and pulled Andrew into a long kiss.

 

_Oh my god._

 

Eddie was confused by the whole situation but he  _loved it._ He followed Richie’s lips across the room and couldn’t draw himself away from them when they were placed on  _a boy._ His whole body was hot. Eddie had to get out of there.

 

He darted to the bathroom and spilled his guts out into the sink. Why did he feel so strongly about all of this?

 

The unlocked door creaked open and Mike poked his head inside.

 

“Eddie?”

 

He spoke gently and waited for a response. He didn’t want to invade his space or bombard him with questions. Just past the crack in the door he could see the legs of Ben, Stan and Bill, all perched behind Mike.

 

“Just go. I’m okay.”

 

“You really think anyone wanted to continue the game after Richie mauled the straightest boy in this damn town? Everybody burst into a fit of laughter. Totally ruined the mood.”

 

Mike slid himself through the door and sat himself down on the edge of the bath tub. He spotted Eddie’s remains in the sink and went over to wash it away. He didn’t mind. He just felt bad for Eddie, for whatever was going on with him.

 

Mike stood Eddie upright, tucked a loose piece of his hair behind his ear and guided him out of there.

 

“Maybe you should talk to Bev. She always knows what to do.”

 

Stan, Ben and Bill all followed Mike and Eddie as they hunted for their friend. They checked the entirety of the lower floor and she was nowhere to be seen. They stopped a boy descending the stairs to ask if he had seen her upstairs. He pointed up towards the first room on the left.

 

“Hey Beverly-“

 

Mike pushed the door open casually.

 

They found Beverly, alright. Laying on somebody’s bed, on top of Greta Bowie, in a deep, passionate kiss.

 

The boys were frozen.

 

Mike let go of Eddie out of shock causing Eddie to fall against the wall.

 

The two girls’ heads turned in unison.

 

Beverly rolled off of her and slinked onto the bed, panting. Her palm rose to slap herself on the forehead.

 

“Hey, Bev, Greta. Wanna come help me set up?”

 

Richie appeared in the door frame, completely unfazed by the scene in the bedroom.

 

Greta took it as an opportunity to get the hell out of there and off she ran.

 

“We’re just gonna go..”

 

The boys turned away and left to try and shake themselves out of paralysation. Eddie stayed.

 

Beverly sat up finally and glanced at Eddie. She waited painfully for him to react.

 

It wasn’t like Eddie was entirely surprised. He had known her his entire life and he had known that Beverly was outgoing, wild. But did he expect her to be hooking up with their childhood enemy? Not quite.

 

He turned to close the door before limping over and burying himself in Bev’s arms.

 

“God, I'm so happy you’re a lesbian.” He sobbed onto her shoulder. She let out a brief giggle.

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“I don’t feel so weird anymore.”

 

“Weird about what? And I’m not a lesbian, silly. Not entirely.”

 

“About not having crushes. Crushes on girls like all the other boys. I never had them all my life.”

 

“This isn’t news to me, Eddie. But that’s okay. It’s okay to be different.”

 

_Jesus, do all my friends think I’m gay?_

 

Eddie craved an answer. He just wanted to know after 17 years of his life what it felt like to be loved. To love.

 

“Beverly?” He spoke shyly.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

She lifted his head off her shoulder to and rested her soft fingertips around Eddie’s cheeks. Her thumbs caressed his eyelids, wiping away tears. She placed her palms around his neck and leaned in. It was a short and sweet pressing of lips.

 

Eddie pulled back. He felt nothing. Beverly was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes upon and if he was to be in love with a girl it would without a doubt be her. But he still felt nothing. The same as he did before.

 

Eddie felt a sudden shift in himself. A wash of relief. A sense of identity. Things fitting into place.

 

“I’m gay.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small note but i know greta in the 2017 movie is named gretta keene and though i'm still going based off the movie character (ie she's still mr keene's daughter) i guess i'm just used to the way it's spelled in the book and i prefer it tbh. 
> 
> chapter song: i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys


	4. four - you deserve better from someone like me

“Eddie...”

 

A gentle whisper danced through Eddie’s dreams.

 

“Eddieee...”

 

He opened his eyes and made sense of his reality. He was cradled in his best friend’s lap, her fingers running through his hair. Eddie had a particular despise for being “the baby” of the group but it was moments like these which he cherished. Moments when he was treated with affection. Real affection. Something he lacked in his family life. With his father dead before he could talk and his mother whose idea of compassion was clinging onto her son when it was most unnecessary. Beverly and his friends filled that void.

 

“I hate to wake you up but I really need to pee and I wouldn’t want to piss all over you.”

 

She scooped up Eddie’s head and slid a pillow underneath to replace her lap which he had been sound asleep on.

 

“I should be back later. If not, sweet dreams.”

 

Eddie’s eyes drooped closed again and his hand lazily wafted the air to signal a good bye. He was drifting back back into his peaceful slumber.

 

Moments later a ruckus of crashes emerged into the room, snapping Eddie instantly out of his head. He rose from the bed, rubbing his eyes. The sight in front of him made him question his state of consciousness.

 

There, sprawled out on the floor, was a hyperventilating Richie Tozier.

 

“Richie?”

 

The boy took no acknowledgement to Eddie’s presence. He just panted and sobbed, his eyes glued to the ceiling. Tears rolled down his tinted cheeks. His smoke-damaged lungs heaved.

 

Eddie didn’t know what was happening or what to do but he leapt to his feet and threw himself down beside Richie.

 

“Richie, can you hear me? I’m here. It’s Eddie.”

 

Eddie instinctively placed his palm onto Richie’s thigh and pressed down into him. The touch sent Richie into another state. He squeezed his eyes shut and flung his head between his knees. Eddie panicked, he didn’t know if touch would better or worsen him. Hell, he didn’t know what was going on at all.

 

“Richie! You’re okay. Just listen to me.”

 

Richie’s body jumped with every choked up cry he that escaped him. His entire self visibly convulsed. He started to hurl out words.

 

“GLASS... TH-THE GLASS! AND I...”

 

“Breathe, Richie!

 

Eddie grabbed at Richie’s shoulders with sudden force and rocked his body slightly back and forth in hopes he would snap out of it.

 

“I’m right here. I’m here with you. You’re fine. I’ve got you. Please, Richie!”

 

Richie’s breathing started to slow. His body still pulsated every few seconds but it wasn’t as rapid.

 

Eddie dug his fingers into Richie’s scalp without even thinking; a Beverly-adapted incline to calm people down. Richie lifted his face so only his blood-shot eyes were visible to Eddie behind his bruised knees. His gaze lingered for a few seconds until he swung at him, completely engulfing him in a profound hug.

 

Reality began to set in for the both of them. Richie Tozier, the mysterious, seemingly untouchable new boy in town who had made Eddie so extremely tense in his presence, was now buried deep in his chest, soaking salty tears into his shirt. The two had never even spoke properly to one another before then. Eddie stayed silent, merely at lost for words. He hoped Richie would speak. Would explain. But all that mattered was that he was in his arms now and he was safe.

 

“I’m sorry.” His voice squeaked out.

 

Eddie pulled him in tighter.

 

“I ruined your night again like I promised I wouldn’t. I should go.”

 

Richie loosened his grip and got to his feet.

 

“Richie..”

 

His swollen eyes turned back to look at Eddie who was now sitting on the bed. He patted the empty space on the velvety sheets beside him. Eddie wanted him to stay. But he also couldn’t let him leave like that.

 

“Please..”

 

Richie slowly made his way down next to Eddie. Eddie waited again. Richie felt the thick desperation and confusion in the air.

 

“I’ve been having panic attacks since I was 8.”

 

_Panic attacks._

 

Eddie had only ever heard of panic attacks through his mother’s stories of his father’s PTSD. Now he wishes he listened, wishes he knew more. So he could’ve helped Richie and handled the situation better.

 

“Thanks, Eddie... A lot.”

 

It was clear Richie wasn’t one to talk about himself which Eddie couldn’t wrap his head around. Richie was loud-mouthed, a wind-up. He spoke too soon and he said too much. He seemed so tough; like Beverly.

 

_How can someone so carefree be so broken?_

Richie’s pulled his jacket off to fill the silence. The bandage on his arm that Eddie had seen in the music store was exposed. Except this one was maybe different; a fresher one. Eddie carefully poked at it with his finger as to ask why. Richie immediately swiped Eddie’s hand away without thinking. He only wanted to hide the explanation under the white wraps; to ignore that it was even there. But he realised the gesture was too harsh for the small boy who had just helped him out of an episode and regret flooded his body like a warm gush of water.

 

Richie darted up at Eddie, frantically searching his face for the hurt he never didn't want to see.

 

Instead, the two boys fell into each others’ eyes. Centimetres apart. Their breath brushing upon each other’s cheeks. The feeling they shared was a complete stranger to both of them. It was warm, sweet. Eddie remembered how his lips searched for this feeling against Beverly’s in the same bed a few hours ago. Only this time, he had found it. Found what he had longed for.

 

_Kiss me, Richie._

 

Everything stopped.

 

“I should really go. I’m sorry again, Eddie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was short but not so fun fact it was actually a reflection on my first senior party where i had a panic attack in a room with the girl i liked
> 
> chapter song: 3am at a party by soccer mommy


	5. five - but you don't know what to say

The next morning Eddie had spent helping to tidy up a stranger’s house. He wasn’t planning to at first but the sea of plastic cups, bottles, cigarette ash, pillows and bodily fluids which remained scattered across the living room floor irked his cleanly senses and the guilt he felt for sleeping in the bed of somebody he didn’t even know the name of made him get to work.

 

Beverly appeared from the kitchen. She had changed her clothes into something drab and unfitting; clearly something she didn’t own. A small bun of wet curls sat on top of her head. She had made herself a peanut butter sandwich. It was clear to see she knew the home-owner well.

 

“Morning!”

 

Bev squeezed Eddie’s shoulder. Up close she smelled fresh and soft. Her skin glowed against the sunlight leaking through the windows. You’d probably think she had been at an expensive spa rather than a rough house party.

 

Beverly finished her food and scrubbed chemicals into the carpet with Eddie until he felt they had contributed enough to leave. They both didn’t expect to see Richie’s car still parked outside from the night before but the realisation that they had to walk home hit them in the face when the cold air swept over them outside.

 

As they walked, Eddie pondered questions to ask. He may have broke down in front of him and stared at him with  _those eyes_ (which still felt surreal to him) but Eddie knew next to nothing about Richie. And Beverly sure seemed to be close to him. Close enough to share cigarettes, close enough to know what parties each other are going to, close enough to fight for each other. It was a strange alliance. His thoughts were set off track when Beverly spoke.

 

“Is that Richie’s?”

 

She tugged on the brown leather coat that shielded Eddie from the crisp cold. He never even realised he still had it on. He didn’t remember putting it on. He must’ve slept in it when Richie left it behind. But it smelled of Richie and their brief eye-to-eye encounter and that made Eddie’s heart flip.

 

“Oh...guess so.”

 

Beverly didn’t say anything after that, she merely let an emotionless  _hmm_ escape her lips.

 

“How well do you know Richie?”

 

Beverly slid him a side-look, her head still held high to the streets of Derry. Maybe Eddie should’ve stayed quiet.

 

“It’s weird. I know him  _well_ but not well enough. It’s different from a friendship.”

 

He already detected that their relationship was more than casual. But he wasn’t sure what  _different_  meant.

 

“You never told me how you met him.”

 

Beverly’s feet came to a stop. They were just outside her house. She smiled wide, an idea lingering on the tip of her tongue.

 

“You know where the huge apartment complex is in town, right? Meet me there tonight. 9pm. If Sonia tries to stop you smash that damn TV of hers with a baseball bat.”

 

She rubbed his hair and ran off up the stairs to her front door.

 

———

 

Eddie checked his phone.

 

**_9:07_ **

****

He was perched down on a wooden bench just outside the complex. The sapphire sky hung over him and the buildings felt towering. Eddie feared being alone at night but Beverly’s words replayed in his head and reassured him that he was okay. A yell emerged from afar.

 

“WRONG COMPLEX SILLY!”

 

He got to his feet and followed the voice down the street until he came up close to Beverly. She was wore a loose purple dress and a black jacket and it made Eddie feel insecure in his casual jeans and shirt. He still wore Richie’s jacket though; the smell of ash and pine and bittersweet secrets filled Eddie’s nostrils and made him feel calm, safe. She grabbed his hand and suddenly every worry was stripped from him. The liveliness radiated off of her and caused her grip to tighten on his palm. She was so excited.

 

“Well, let’s go then!”

 

Eddie wasn’t sure where they were going but with Beverly’s hand in his, he was comfortable. The further they walked, the closer the faint sound of music grew. Near the end of the pavement was a set of stairs that led underneath one of the apartments. The building was old so Eddie assumed it was originally built to serve as a cellar. Beverly pulled him along and down the stairs to the source of the sound. She pushed open a heavy door.

 

Eddie found himself standing before a buzzing room of people. Young and old. The place was dark and shabby but neon lights beamed from a stage and brought life to the room. The stage consisted of a few thick beams of wood pushed together but it held a set of drums, a guitar and a microphone. In the far left there was a bar; a long wooden counter at which a woman stood behind, digging out beers from a fridge upon request. Torn up couches lined the walls but it was mainly a open space. The middle of the room was flooded with people, standing amongst themselves, swaying to the music, drinking,  _kissing._

Eddie watched intently as he spotted two older men making out. Their bodies were flush together, completely absorbed in each other. Green and red lights highlighted their passion among the crowd. A squeeze of his hand from Beverly caught his attention. Her braided orange hair was tainted purple in the lighting.

 

_Is this a club?_

Beverly winked at him before leading the way into the room.

 

“Bevvie!”

 

Greta Bowie sprung up from a couch and pushed past people to get to them. She slides her arms around Beverly’s neck and pulls her into a steady kiss.

 

_So is this a thing?_

 

“Oh...hi Eddie?”

 

His presence was a question. He didn’t take his eyes off the piece gum he studied on the floor. He felt out of place. Beverly watched him with sad eyes.

 

“Hey, Greta..”

 

“Joan! Grab me a beer please!”

 

Bev’s voice echoed over the music and caught the attention of the woman behind the bar who winked at her. They moved through the crowd to collect the bottle she set on the counter for them. Bev took a fast gulp then tipped the bottle in Eddie’s direction, watching him with a sparkle in her eyes. Eddie only had alcohol when he had a real inclination to and now was not that time and even the smell of beer caused a churn in his stomach.

 

“Where are we?”

 

Greta had hoisted herself onto the bar counter, still wearing a mask of confusion.

 

“He really doesn’t know? Jesus, Bev, why did you drag this poor boy out here?”

 

The music stopped but the atmosphere was still busy and loud. A few second passed before a surge of feedback came over the speakers and the low buzzing of an electric guitar asked for everyone’s attention. Strumming began. A familiar tune clicked into Eddie’s mind like jigsaw pieces but he couldn’t recall where he heard the song before at first.

 

_The little white house._

 

Eddie swivelled his head to the stage.

 

Richie Tozier was seated on a stool, a guitar pulled to his chest, focusing on his fingers as they slid along the strings. His clump of black curls were pushed back by a cap but the few that spilled out the sides bounced to the music.

 

He played for only about a minute but it was enough to make the hairs on Eddie’s arms stand up. The whole moment felt like a dream. Eddie had completely let go of his surroundings and felt like Richie was the only one in the room; serenading him, playing for him.

 

When Richie pulled his hand away from the guitar, he rose slowly. The uproar of applause didn’t seem to go noticed by him. He just stood there, lanky arms dangling. He looked worn out.

 

“Why isn’t he bathing in this shit? Loving it. Something’s up with him tonight.” Greta observed.

 

_Tonight. He comes here often. Is this how he met Bev? Why I’ve been dragged here?_

Richie’s ears caught onto Greta’s voice amidst the cheers of the crowd and his eyes followed.

 

But instead of looking at Greta, he saw Eddie. Looked at Eddie. Eddie felt the heaviness in his eyes. Though he barely knew Richie, something in him sunk when he watched Richie ignore a room full of people praising him. It was out of character.

 

Eddie turned to Joan and asked for a beer to distract himself. While he leant onto the counter, impatiently sweating for a stressful chug of alcohol, he felt a hand clutch to his shoulder and spin him around.

 

“Nice jacket.”

 

The words tingled directly down Eddie’s spine.  _  
_

Eddie expected a taste of sarcasm in his speech but it was dry, emotionlessand it hurt to hear.

 

It was uncomfortable. Their faces both blank and empty.

 

“Sorry.. I wasn’t stealing it or anything-“

 

“Don’t worry about it. Looks good on you.”

 

Eddie didn’t know how to react so he remained still.  _  
_

“Like my song then?”

 

_Your song?_

Eddie thought back to the previous weekend when the same song that escaped through the window of the little white house sent him to sleep.

 

_It was you._

_Yes._

_I love it, Richie._

“Your song?”

 

Richie coughed out a brittle laugh.

 

“You look cute when you sleep, Eds.”

 

Eddie remembered the window of the house across the street being closed when he awoke the next morning. He knew whoever it was had saw Eddie peacefully passed out on his window ledge.

 

_It was Richie._

 

He blushed a deep scarlet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i suck at describing clubs apparently. next chapter is short but the one after it is kind of a climax and i love it a lot.
> 
> chapter song: rollin' around by nat and alex wolff


	6. six - there is nothing else to say

As lunch time rolled around on Monday in school, things felt weird. The craziest weekend of Eddie’s life had ended and he was back to being a boring local Derry schoolboy again. Their table at lunch was quiet, Stan and Bill were studying at the library and the deficiency of Stan’s bitter comments which usually sparked conversation on top of the awkwardness of reuniting after the group’s encounter with Bev and Greta left the table silent. However it opened a hole for Eddie’s mind to wander down.

 

_If Richie lived across the street then why didn’t he go to Derry High?_

_How could Richie have just moved from LA if the same car that sat in his driveway had been there for years?_

_What the fuck is up with him?_

Richie was a complex person and Eddie tried his best to understand but it was hard. Hard because his emotions switched all the time. Hard because they had barely even spoken. Hard because Beverly wouldn’t give him explanations. But Eddie yearned to understand.

 

“Sorry you had to leave so early the other night.”

 

Eddie broke his intense stare with his sandwich to look over at Beverly.

 

“Sorry my mom had to wake up and start a fucking search party for me.”

 

The night Richie had called Eddie  _cute_ was quickly ruined when Sonia Kaspbrak screamed down the phone at Beverly. Eddie’s phone had been on silent and missed the string panicked calls from his mother. Sonia, for once in her life, had woken up after she crashed out on the sofa in the evening, found her son had not been home and had approximately 9 aneurysms. She resulted to calling Beverly instead; how she got her number, Eddie had no idea. He figured she had somehow whittled her away into his phone one day and wrote it down incase she ever needed it. Not for emergencies or anything important though, Mrs Kaspbrak was never fond of Beverly and didn’t trust her around her son. She probably kept her number with the expectation that she would need to verbally harass her about staying away from her boy one day. Eddie made a mental note to change his password and keep his phone the hell away from her.

 

_“Uhh.. Eddie? Sonia’s kinda bursting blood vessels over here.”_

 

Beverly held out her phone and Eddie could hear his ma’s complaints clear as day from a few feet away in the middle of a lively as ever club. It was bad. He took off without saying anything and sprinted home where he would tell his mother that he had been at the Denbrough’s and excuse the background noise of the club as a movie he had been watching with his friends. It caused her to scowl about Bill and his family for the rest of the night but Eddie had much rather preferred it over explaining where he really was.

 

Beverly’s voice snapped him back into present time once again.

 

“I’ll take you back to The Outlet soon.”

 

“The Outlet?” Ben perked up.

 

Beverly instantly realised her mistake. With the looming silence that fell across their table, Beverly had been paying no attention to anyone other than Eddie. And she had just blurted out the name of her supposedly secretive hangout spot, right in front of Ben Hanscom who had a vivid knowledge of everywhere and everyone in their town. She prayed he would keep his mouth shut.

 

“Isn’t that the underground gay clu- UHB”

 

Beverly kicked him in the shin, cutting him off.

 

_Gay club?_

_Beverly took me to a gay club?_

_Beverly went to a gay club regularly?_

_And Richie did too._

Ben felt like shit. Though he had a huge crush on Beverly since they first met and his heart shattered when he walked in on her and Greta, the last thing he wanted to do was upset her. Ben was supportive of his friends no matter what and he realised his question was dumband insensitive. Knew speaking about being gay was risky to do in their highly bigoted and ignorant school.

 

“I’m sorry, Bev. I shouldn’t have said anything. I forget that not everybody in the world is open-minded to equality sometimes.”

 

She melted into an apologetic smile as she rubbed the bruise she left on his leg.

 

“So how long have you and Greta... you know...”

 

Mike may have been asexual but he was undoubtedly one for indulging in relationship gossip.

 

“Well.. we’re not a  _thing_.. I have some stuff I need to work out..”

 

The real answer was:  _I like Greta a lot but I have feelings for Ben too._

“So Edward! How does it feel that you’re going to be the big one eight tomorrow?”

 

The past week Eddie had been so caught up in discovering himself, discovering his friends, discovering Richie that his birthday went right over his head. He forgot to plan anything like he promised he would after Beverly’s pleads but his all his time over the past while had been spent thinking. Guess he would be spending it like he always did; cooped up in his living room, stuffing his face with chocolate cake as his Ma substituted spending time with her son on his birthday with watching the same old crappy sitcoms.

 

“Next time I see you, my little Eddie will be all grown up!” Mike smirked.

 

The bell sounded.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not much to say about this chapter but it's still necessary to the story. ps the chapter song doesn't have much relevance to the chapter but here's my chance to promote calpurnia!
> 
> chapter song: city boy by calpurnia


	7. seven - my sweet love won't you pull me through

As the dark winter sky closed in on Derry and kissed it to sleep, Eddie Kaspbrak lay awake in thought. The possibilities and responsibilities that followed behind turning 18 filled his imagination; sparked passion into his sleepy mind. He thought of freedom; control over himself. Maybe then he could face his mother and, like Beverly prompted him to do on a constant basis, stand up for himself. He sunk down into his mattress, imagining the ceiling above him dissolving away into an open sky. Maybe he was too caught up in his ideas of eventual release from the packed down life his mother had made for him but he saw himself soaring through the air with nobody to stop him.

A sudden crash and distant conflict passed through the window and pierced through his dream. The town he lived in may have been a drab bore but there was always a hint of violence and threat that lingered. Eddie shrugged the noise off as  _probably a group of mischievous youths_ (his mind conjuring up the word “youths” made him think he was falling too far into the idea of adulthood) _or a_   _boisterous cat_ and he rolled back over. 

Everybody always knew Eddie hated his birthday: he refused against celebrating and groaned at the sound of the first line of ‘Happy Birthday To You’. But maybe this birthday would be different. A new beginning for him. Maybe it wouldn’t suck after all. The thought sent him into a peaceful doze.

Not too long after he had fallen asleep again, a subtle but urgent rattling against glass woke him into awareness.

As Eddie pried his eyes open from his savoured rest, he was met with his bare legs sprawled out in front of him, exposed to the chalky moonlight which shone through his window. His sheets had been kicked to the end of the bed. He was so occupied within his thoughts earlier that night that he had desperately dove under his sheets, mid-getting his pyjamas on, and went to bed in his boxers and shirt from the previous day.

Once full sense had knocked into him, he traced the noise to his window. Eddie rubbed the tiredness out of his eyes before looking up. 

And when he did, he wasn’t sure if he was still in a state of dreaming. 

Richie Tozier stood behind the glass, tears spilling down his tinted cheeks, a familiar look of fear washed over his fragile face. In his right hand, the leash to a large brown dog.

Eddie felt as though he had been kicked in the chest. 

He scrambled to the window and slid it up promptly.

“Eddie, I-“

Richie’s voice was shaky. It hit Eddie right in the heart.

Eddie cut him off by gripping his arm and pulling him towards the open window pane. Eddie reached over and hoisted the huge, heavy dog through to his room and Richie followed.

Eddie didn’t even think; he didn’t even need to. He had just snuck a broken boy and a huge dog, which Eddie was probably allergic to, into his home. If his mother was to wake up and walk in Eddie would surely be sent away to Africa. That didn’t matter though, because Richie wasn’t okay and Eddie had to do whatever he could. 

When Richie leapt down into his room, Eddie turned to close the window quietly. Eddie saw that a light was on in the Tozier household and he watched as two shadowy figures made angry gestures towards each other. He let his fingers slowly slide away from the window’s notch. He didn’t know what to say to Richie. But he eventually had to turn away and plop down onto his bed in front of him.

Richie sat cross-legged, burying his shoulder into the neck of the dog and kneading his thin fingers through it’s fur. Small hairs fell from his hand and dusted Eddie’s sheets but Eddie didn’t mind, not now. Richie’s eyes stared down into Eddie’s palm which rested in his lap, tracing the lines engraved in his skin. He didn’t want to look at Eddie but he knew he had to do something soon.

Eddie studied him closely.

_Remember how quiet he was after the episode at the party, Eddie._

_Speak._

_Speak for him._

_He’s uncomfortable._

_You need to help him._

_Just do something._

Eddie repeated an action he had done before in the hopes to calm Richie down; he placed his hand on his bare knee which burst through his ripped jeans.

Richie had to face Eddie now.

Eddie could see his face properly. His dark eyes longed for comfort, screamed with fear and leaked with sorrow. They were swollen and red and wet purple rings hung underneath them. Eddie could see a million secrets and faults in Richie’s eyes, but he accepted every one of them. Eddie noticed a cut deep in his pale skin. His freckled cheek dripped blood. Richie felt Eddie’s eyes fix to his wound and he brought his arm up to press his fingers into it. Eddie then saw the bandage on his forearm but this time it was stained red. He brought his eyes back up to Richie’s and they hung there.

_Tell me._

_Tell me what happened._

_I’ll listen._

_I’ll always listen, Richie._

“Richie..”

Eddie tried to hide the pain he felt for Richie as to not further upset him but his voice came out squeakily.

The sound of his voice was enough to open the floodgates.

“My dad.. he walked in and I.. he saw me and the bottle.. he threw it at me and.. my head and.. I ran and.. I’m sorry, Eddie, I just didn’t know where to go and you were only across the street and I don’t want to be a burden on you again but-“

Eddie clutched onto his shoulders and flung his body into his. His hand gripped the back of his head and he used his forefinger to gently caress his curls. Richie’s head was deep into Eddie’s chest and he sobbed to his heartbeat.

“It’s fine, Richie. I’ve got you now.”

Richie’s heart was heavy. He was a complete stranger to being hugged. And never had someone wanted him in their arms. He mumbled out what Eddie could just only make out to be a  _thank you._

“He kicked you out?”

Richie stayed against Eddie but his voice became more stable.

“Well he made it pretty fucking clear he doesn’t want me. I ran out but I wouldn’t’ve been able to stay for long anyway. He was gonna send me back to Cali, Eddie. I can’t go back.” 

Eddie remembered Beverly telling about how Richie had just moved to Derry from LA.

“You lived in California?” 

Eddie figured it was best to keep asking questions. It would get him to speak. To open up. Something Eddie knew he didn’t do much of. But Eddie hoped Richie would trust him because he  _listened_  and he  _cared_.

“Lived there since I was 8. Parents were too drunk all the time to even notice little Richie so they sent me to live with my Aunt. It was fine for a while until high school. Shit happens in high school, I drop out, my Aunt sends me back. Now my whole fucking family think I’m a disappointment.”

Eddie held back tears. He thought Richie was an amazing person. He was funny, brave,  _so sweet_ ,  _so talented_ and hell, he saved Eddie’s life. How could his family not adore him?

“What happened in high school?”

Richie’s breathing stopped.

“Shitty LA kids will be shitty LA kids. Feeding off everyone else’s misery. Can’t let you be yourself. This town’s not much better but at least there are some places I feel safe in.”

_Does he mean The Outlet?_

_Or_ _maybe my arms?_

Eddie knew not to force anything out of Richie so he didn’t ask for more of an explanation.

“I get it. People haven’t always been so nice to me either.”

Richie turned his head to look up at Eddie.

“Really? But you’re so...  _you._  How could anyone not  _love_ you?”

The word  _love_ sent shocks through Eddie’s body.

“Same to you. You’re amazing, Richie.”

The corners of Richie’s mouth turned up into a part-smile and he sunk back into Eddie.

He cocked his head slightly and sat up again.

“How dare I be so rude! This is Roman,”

Richie leaned over to the dog that sat at the end of the bed and stuck his suddenly dopey-smiling face in front of it, causing it to lick at his nose. Richie let a worn out chuckle leave his lips, making Eddie warm and relieved.

“Roman here is the only thing keeping me somewhat grounded. Well, him and you.”

_Me?_

“You two are like.. my lifelines.”

A familiar joking tone comes back to Richie’s speech and Eddie thinks it’s the best thing he could possibly hear right now. Eddie decided to continue the mood.

“Oh please, I have nothing on cute little Roman!”

Richie’s smile was genuine. In that moment, Eddie saw real happiness within the fragile beaten down boy.

“Well you’re both adorable but there’s only so much a dog can do to help you through your shitty life.”

_Adorable._

_He thinks I’m adorable._

_And I’m actually a help to him._

Eddie blushed gently.

“Really, Eddie. I can’t thank you enough for everything you do for me. I mean, you let me and my dog in your house at 3am. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I wish I could stay with you forever.”

This was the first time Eddie had seen him so happy. And so open.

_I wish you could stay here forever too._

“You can stay for as long as you need to.”

Eddie didn’t fully realise his words until after they left his mouth.

_Eddie, you idiot._

_Your mom would kill you._

“Your mom would be okay with that?”

Eddie recalled his dreams hours ago. Tomorrow he would turn 18. Tomorrow he would have a new freedom. Power over himself. He wouldn’t have to live by his mother’s rules anymore. He felt a sudden urge to take risks.

“Hell no but fuck what she thinks.”

Richie was taken aback. But his dropped jaw slowly transformed into a smirk. He patted Eddie’s head.

“Wow! Didn’t expect that to come from such a tiny boy.”

“Don’t call me tiny.” 

Eddie feigned annoyance much to Richie’s amusement.

“You and Roman can stay here for as long as you want, okay? My mom won’t know, I’ll make sure of it.”

_How the fuck is this gonna work?_

_But I have to do it for Richie._

_He has nowhere to go._

_I want him here._

Instead of replying with a sly comment, Richie’s face drops to a seriousness.

“Thank you, Eddie. So much.”

There was a small silence between them. Richie’s eyes glistened with passion. Eddie sat, staring.

“So what have you brought with you?”

Richie dug in his jacket pockets, looking for anything. He pulls out of a crisp 20 dollar bill with a disheartened look on his face.

“I didn’t have time to grab anything. I got out of there before anything worse happened.”

“That’s fine. We should get some sleep.”

Eddie didn’t want to stop talking to Richie. Richie didn’t want to stop talking to Eddie. But Eddie was nearly falling asleep and Richie was clearly drained.

“Cool. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Richie slid down off the bed and went to lay down on the carpet but Eddie intervened.

“No. No way. You need rest more than anyone. Take my bed.”

“Eddie. I can’t make you sleep on the floor. I’ve already imposed enough on you.”

Richie looked up at him with bold, sad puppy dog eyes which made Eddie melt.

With hesitation, Eddie lifted the corner of his bedsheets up to signal Richie’s presence.

_Fuck._

_What am I doing?_

Both boys’ expressions were blank, unsure of how to react.

Richie slowly rose to his feet and apprehensively slid under Eddie’s covers.

Eddie did the same.

No more words were spoken.

The two boys lay a couple feet apart in the same bed in silence. 

Eddie felt exposed and vulnerable with his bare legs.

Richie felt exposed and vulnerable with his emotions.

Soon after Richie’s sobs broke through.

“Eddie..”

Eddie rolled over to meet Richie’s harrowing eyes and now they were close.

“I don’t ever want to go home.”

“I don’t ever want to face my dad again.”

“I’m scared.”

Richie carefully slid his foot along the sheets over towards Eddie’s to feel closer to him, begging for his comfort, but he keeps a distance so his action is a secret.

Eddie moved his hand, hidden under the covers, edging towards Richie’s body. It freezes just before it can touch his bare arm.

“Eddie..”

Silence hangs in the air as the two boys stare into each other.

“Get some rest, Richie.”

And Eddie rolls back over.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so reddie's relationship builds from here on! i LOVED writing this so i hope it doesn't suck lmao. 
> 
> chapter song: trouble by cage the elephant


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